I am new to the internet, and have just seen your website, and read of other people’s experiences of SIDS, and I would like to share ours. In February 1982, we already had a 1 year old son, Michael, when I found out I was expecting again, due in October. The pregnancy was going fine until about six weeks before he was due, I was diagnosed with placenta praevia, and had to stay in hospital until he would be delivered by caesarean section at 38 weeks. Steven Graham Lynch was born at 6.55pm on Wednesday 29th September 1982, weighing in at 6lb 11oz, a beautiful, much loved healthy son. He progressed normally until that terrible day our lives were shattered, Monday 13th December 1982. It was a bright, cold,crisp winters day, and that morning, as was normal, me, Michael and Steven went for our usual walk to the local shops, which took about an hour. Shaun, my husband was at work. When we got home at 11.25am, I looked in the pram, and knew something was terribly wrong, I knew straightaway Steven was already dead, and screamed, grabbed him and ran to a neighbour’s house, where she rang for an ambulance and the doctor. I went home to await Shaun’s phone call, he always rang me at 11.30am on the dot. That poor man, he was ringing me for our usual dinnertime chat, and he got me screaming down the phone for him to come home because Steven was dead. The ambulance came very quickly and took him to hospital, but wouldn’t let me go with him. It was left to our GP who arrived shortly after to contact the hospital, to be told he’d been confirmed dead on arrival. The police came as is normal in any sudden death, but they were very good and not intrusive. A post mortem was performed, but no cause of death was found, and a verdict of sudden infant death syndrome was given. The funeral was held on the Friday of that week, just 1 week before Christmas, the Christmas Steven never saw. It was like living a nightmare, only we weren’t waking up. Then there were the physical problems, namely my milk. Steven was nearly 11 weeks old, and fully breast fed. I had enough milk to supply a dairy, but nowhere for it to go. As the days went by, the pain was unbearable, and the water tablets my doctor had prescribed didn’t help at all. It took many weeks for the problem to ease. We tried to rebuild our lives as a family, then on September 7th 1983, almost a year after Steven was born, I found out I was expecting again. I was terrified, convinced that even if I did manage to have another healthy baby, (which I felt I didn’t deserve, because I’d let my baby die), it would happen again. On 23rd April 1984, Easter Monday, Rebecca Ann was born, with some great coincidences. She was born at 11.25am on a Monday morning, the exact time I’d found Steven dead in his pram, and weighing in at 10lb 5oz, just 1lb less than Steven was when he died. It was as though she was taking over where he left off. I was terrified though, but Rebecca was one of the early CONI babies, we took part in the pilot scheme, nothing can take that fear away, but it’s good to know you’re doing something, and getting support. Unfortunately, I found that a lot of people’s attitude when Rebecca was born, was that it was a “happy ever after” ending, and when I voiced my fears was told on more than one occasion “what’s wrong with you now? You’ve got another baby, you should be happy now”. Even though it’s almost 26 years, the wound’s still very deep. I dread those 2 days, -29th September and 13th December, and the run up to Christmas is particularly difficult. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it. In 1995, on what would have been Steven’s 13th birthday, I wrote a poem for him. The whole thing took just 10 minutes, it just flowed, I couldn’t get the words down as quick as they were coming in my head. I’d like to share it with you. Dear Steven ‘Twas February 1982, I found out I was having you, Another precious soul, and yes, But just how special, we didn’t guess. Those early days whilst in the womb, Your body was forming for you to come To earth to join our family For however long that was to be. And every night in prayer we knelt, Thanking our Heavenly Father for Blessing us ever more and more. As the time for Your every move with love I felt your birth drew near, I will admit it was with fear, I hoped for a straightforward delivery, But alas, that was not to be. Some weeks before you were expected, A complication was detected, And in hospital I had to stay Until the big delivery day. That day came sooner than we’d planned Two weeks earlier, and- With me under the surgeon’s knife, You made your entry into this life. Another precious baby boy You came and filled our lives with joy. Blond curly hair, big eyes of blue, That’s how I’ll always remember you. I know I wasn’t a perfect mother To you and Michael, your big brother, But how much I loved you, words cannot say, Then came that dreadful, awful day. It was the thirteenth of December, A day I will always remember, A Monday morning, so fine, so bright, But what sorrow was to come before that night. With you in your pram off we set Out on our usual walk to get Our daily exercise and fresh air, We didn’t have an earthly care. On arriving home at dinnertime’ I somehow felt all wasn’t fine. I picked you up, you were floppy and blue, I screamed and hoped it wasn’t true. The ambulance and doctor came, But attempts to help you were in vain, What was left was just a shell, Not the Steven we knew so well. The Lord had called you home again, There was much work for you to do for him. People told us that time heals, But they really don’t know how it feels, Our arms were empty, our hearts ached, But we carried on for your sake. Ten and a half weeks we had you with us, Ten and a half weeks that were so precious. We wouldn’t trade that for anything’ Whatever the future was to bring. My dear Steven, what more can I say? I’m so sorry I let you die that day, Though time has passed, the wound’s still deep, But special memories are ours to keep. All that leaves me now to say, Is Steven, happy thirteenth birthday. All my love, Mum. X X X Thankyou for reading this, long though it may be, I hope it will be of help to somebody. Elaine and Shaun Lynch, in memory of our beloved son, Steven Graham Lynch, 29/9/82 - 13/12/82